Friday, February 04, 2005

This is not a Coincidence

I am gearing up for yet another endeavor... it what you will, I am at it again. People who know me well will not be surprised. I am always starting something. This is a big something. (and no, it's not another baby.)

but, it relates to babies.

When i was preganant with Raelin, we took a Birthing From Within childbirth education class. it was taught by a friend of ours, someone who I admire and see as one of those people who is a mentor-by-example. The class was great: alternative, artsy, challenging, insightful, and most of all, useful. I really used what I learned in labor, and returned to the postpartum reunion charged up and ready to sign on as an instructor.

well, fast forward a couple of years and I'm in the certification program. I have found many excuses to procrastinate in actually doing the homework and starting to teach. I started a different business (there i go again), have limited time without Raelin to work, developed a social life, etc.. etc... But like most things that are True, teaching these classes would not let go of me. I tried to shake it off. I don't have time. I would have to invest money we can't really spare. There are other people teaching classes. Excuse upon excuse. I finally acknowledged the tugging about a month ago and gave in. Fine! I'll do it!! I'll finish the damn program.

About the same time, I had put up an ad for my other business. Previously when I ran an ad in the same place, I got great results. I was sewing fairly regularly to keep up with orders. This time- nada. You would think the ad is invisible to everyone but me (as it pops up nearly everytime I log onto the bulletin boards where I have it running). So I found myself with the time I claimed I didn't have. Then I needed a space to teach the classes. Hmmm... I asked a friend who I thought might know a bit more about downtown spaces. In fact, she did (of course she did. can't you see where this is going?) Not only did she know of a space, it was a space that a friend of hers who is a massage therapist/doula was trying to secure. Said friend was looking for other like-minded women in the pregnancy/women's health arena to rent the space with her and conceive a Resource Center for women. um, ok.

so, yes, I am putting in money we could be using elsewhere. But I have been given in exchange time, and space, and inspriation. these things are fairly priceless.

I should not be surprised that things are working out this way. Indeed, I often feel that this is the way my life goes. I feel the tug. I listen. I follow. What I Need materializes.

Some people will say that these are coincidences. Or, that life is just like that- there is nothing special about it. I don't believe that. Rather, I choose not to believe that. I think it is special. I think it is extraoridinary when I listen to myself, act on what I hear, and lo and behold find some measure of success with my endeavor. I could call it Faith, but that is so overused. I prefer to choose this line of trust and acknowledge that yes, I could be wrong. It could all be coincidence, and had I chosen a different set of actions I might be raving about how well those are coming together too. But, you know what? this is more fun. I choose to believe in a life that is special- not that I am special, but that my decisions are not pure chance. That in fact, I am listening to something deeper and because I am heeding that, the path is graceful. Looking at life the other way (all coincidence) is, in a word, boring. Who the hell wants to live like that? Life is so much more magical when I say, 'yes, of course it is happening this way.' not, 'huh. that's interesting.'

We have a good friend/mentor who runs classes that often intersect with people's spiritual beliefs. He has lived an extraordinary life, full of the kinds of guidance i am describing. He speaks of things that I have never seen or experienced. Many non-believers challenge him on the validity and proof behind what he shares with them. Argument is not his response. He simply says, "I just know." There is no way to convince or describe to someone how you recognize things that are "unexplainable" or "just coincidences." You just know. And when they open themselves to it, they will know too.

I'm not a New Age nut. In fact, I hate New Age, and this presents a problem, because I would have a receptive audience with them. This is not about la-la bullshit. It's more about gratitude. It's about seeing the road of skeptic and cynic and turning the other way.
It's about risking other people thinking you are a stupid fool and not saying anything. There's no need to, because I know.


Blogger Bartlebee said...

I disagree with only one part of your post: I think that you are special. Yes, *you*.

I've been thinking a lot about the beliefs I was raised with: what do I want to take with me? What am I happy to leave behind? Towards which aspects of the new set of beliefs to which I'm being exposed do I gravitate? I realized that one of the key parts of my belief system is that I believe that everyone is inherently divine. I don't like the word "god" as it connotes some old white guy upstairs to too many people - and yet that is how it was phrased when I was growing up: God dwells within you as you. I interpret this to mean that not only are we all divine, but that we also are responsible for our lives. And it means that you are so very, very special.

OK. This special someone who tends toward the cynical is now done rambling!

9:33 AM  
Blogger jason s said...

I agree ... you *are* special!

And I hear you on the intution bit. I think when we reduce our mental clutter and listen to what our instincts tell us, we end up in wonderful places. I've practiced this while traveling and can't think of a time where my true instincts lead me astray. I think your "choice" to start teaching is, like you said, more than just a choice ... it's following an intuition of what is right for you to be doing.


3:03 PM  
Blogger keldog said...

awwww... shucks.
you know, after i posted this, i got all nervous. i was afraid that i might be flamed a bit. i guess that's some more mind clutter ( or in the words of one of my favorite authors, Anne Lamott, the radio station K-FUCKED that plays in our heads) that needs to be swept away.

your right, J, teaching is more than a choice. and when I acknowledge that I have less of a reason to slack off and not fulfill my potential. I think we all have an obligation to each other to reach our highest potential and it seems to happen a bit easier when we listen and follow those gut feelings.

hey bartlebee...what was that discussion we were having about working on oneself?

7:39 AM  
Blogger Bartlebee said...

This is a prime example of the work we do on ourselves happening naturally - not being forced and not taking over our entire lives. I like it this way.

2:32 PM  
Blogger juli claire said...

i have come to find myself (and lead myself) in a similar direction. for me, it has been and still is a challenge to listen to myself. i have been focusing on learning how to do that recently. so, from afar, i send a hearty hooray for you in following your instict/intuition/divine wisdom. as i read your post and others' comments, an image emerged (which is at risk of seeming New Age, but whatever): each of us is floating on a vast river, in a single vessel. much of the time we feel a sense of separateness, of being discrete or distinct from the water and our fellow travelers. but sometimes we feel the welling up of the underground springs that feed the river, and it leads us in our path. And though the spring is never the same in each moment as the last - though we are led in myriad different directions - it is the same underlying source that we all listen to. and the river is ultimately going to the same vast place.
a new ani lyric comes to mind now about being 78% water...

4:20 PM  

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