I am stopping a quick whirlwind pick-up of our livingroom to blog, because as i was picking up, i was doing what i often do, which is blog in my head. This would be an extremely active blog if i actually wrote as often as i think about it.

i mean, when is apple going to announce the imind?

nevermind. that would be... well. stupid.

so, i'm blogging and leaving the detritus to continue to be detritus on our floor. Detritus including random and sundry ribbons that i have saved from various holidays to re-use at upcoming holidays and birthdays. These ribbons double as earthworms when our collapsable catch-all fabric tube is doubling as Raelin's burrow, when she is doubling as a mole or other earth-loving creature. we are a house of imposters here.

last night i went to a holiday gathering at the home of one of Raelin's classmates. The family also has a child in second grade, so it was a mixing of both nursery and older children. The nursery turn-out was poor, as it competed with a ballet performance and also is a much smaller class. But as i hefted Liam around and looked out for Raelin, i was amazed at how much older these 7 and 8 year olds were. They seemed so... mature and...well, normal. I am sure they are not burrowing in cloth debris tubes and asking to be fed ribbon earthworms after which they might decide to "nutter away" with a ball of errant yarn.

as much as we whine and moan about having young children, the truth of the matter is that it is fabulous in a manic sort of way. Frustrating is the feeling of never catching up, always being a few hours short of feeling rested (ok, a full night or 7 of never feeling rested), constantly having one's patience tested. But rich is the feeling of spontaneous laughter, of working through tough spots with intention and love and experiencing the strengthening of your bond with our children because of it, and likewise watching a sibling relationship grow...going cheek to chubby cheek with a baby, sleeping with a child on your chest...and then living in a fantasy world where you don't just walk- you nutter; you don't run off to the bathroom, you gallop; behind the couch is a 'basement' and inside the cloth debris tube is a burrow where you eat ribbon earthworms.

i guess this is why when people ask me if we are done having kids, i say i am 95% done. There is 5% of me that is unwilling to agree to the finality of these baby and toddler years. Its' like this article i read in O magazine where the author stated that she realized at a certain point in her 40s that there were in fact, a finite number of times that she would look at a tree again, or eat at certain restaurant. Likewise, as i watch Raelin nutter around and Liam fumble at the couch to pull himeself up, there are a finite number of times i will watch this scene. Yes, there are other wonderful things to come with having older children. I will welcome full nights of sleep and the fun that will come with having children we can hike and bike with longer than 20 minutes and such... but there *is* something about these crazy years that I will miss.

Kevin has been lamenting the slow wind down of Raelin's early childhood years for awhile now. I have pooh-poohed him, pointing out that she is only *3* for crying out loud. But after just a few hours with kids only a few years older than Raelin, i feel it too.

so moan and groan i will...but truthfully, i love it, like a nice fat, juice green satin earthworm.